do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
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