Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
