Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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