Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
