The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
