I'm going to jail i love you
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh god it's open bar.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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