Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
