I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
