so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
