you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
