my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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