She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
