dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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