Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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