Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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