I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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