my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
