Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
