i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
