yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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