I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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