We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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