Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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