I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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