only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
