You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
