I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
