ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
