Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
