i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
