Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
