You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
