and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That accounts for only three of the penises
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
