I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
