we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
