Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
then he tried to convert me to islam
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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