Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
