i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
