White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
