your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
