apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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