***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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