I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
