You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
