At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
