omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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