fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
