there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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