Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
