just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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