If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
