are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
