U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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