the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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