i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
