Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he puts the penis in happiness.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
