Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Non-Jews are for practice
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
